


What if?

by Remlundskan



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Violence, Monty is out of options, No Sex, The Author Regrets Nothing, This is not pretty, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 01:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remlundskan/pseuds/Remlundskan
Summary: They’ve been at it all weekend. Monty knows he has to leave soon.But how could he, when the bed is so warm, and Win is so beautiful and Monty has to have him again, just one more time.And that's when everything goes wrong.





	What if?

They had been at it all weekend, in just about every position imaginable, and Monty still couldn’t get enough. Sometimes, he would get this weird feeling in his chest, this thought that came out of nowhere and made perfect sense for about a second and a half:

What if?

What if he just…

What if they…

What if…

It was bullshit, of course. It would never happen. None of it ever would.

But what if it did?

Montgomery knew that he was beyond redemption. No matter what he did, he was fucked. So, he figured, he might as well enjoy it as much as he could.

“You good?” Win smiled at him, all propped up against the pillows, looking absolutely fucking beautiful and for a second and a half, the thought was back.

What if?

How was it that someone could get under his skin that fast?

Monty had to have him. It was almost time to leave, hell, he should be getting as far away from here as possible…

But not before one last fuck!

“I want you!”

Win raised an eyebrow and gave a little chuckle.

“Again? Fuck, dude, you’re a fucking machine… You sure this isn’t about something else?”

There had been plenty of talking this weekend; Monty had told this boy more about himself in two days than he had ever told anyone before. But he didn’t feel like talking right now. That weird feeling in his chest was getting to him, that thought that kept popping up was taking up too much space in his brain, he needed something else to focus on. He needed to be inside Winston and he needed it to happen fast. He needed Winston to take away the weird feeling…

What if…?

He pounced on Win, pinning him down against the pillows with a firm grip on the other boy’s wrists.

“Now!” he said. It was important to him that Win understood that there was no point in fighting this. What was the harm in one more go before he left? The pounding in his ears was back again, he needed to be rid of it. He just needed Win to spread his legs like a good boy and let Monty take care of business.

“Ok, relax, man, I was just asking… Monty, seriously, get off, I need the blood back in my hands… Monty!”

There was a slight struggle against his grip, but Monty didn't care, he knew he was stronger. Hell, he could snap this kid in half if he felt like it. But he didn't, right now, he just wanted to ravish that sweet ass. It's not like Win was gonna say No, why would he?

"Monty, stop!"

What if…?

It hit him like his father’s fist in his face. He let go of Win’s wrists as if they were burning him, watching them grow both white and red, marks in the shape of Monty’s fingers. What in the absolute fuck did just happen? He could see the question in the other boy’s eyes, clear as day; what the hell is wrong with you?!

Jesus, was he about to… What the fuck was he about to do?!

Monty felt sick. Every part of his brain was shouting at him and there was a momentary flash of another boy, screaming in pain and Monty scrambled off the bed so fast that he almost fell down. He needed his clothes and he needed to get the fuck out of here. He needed to get his shit together and he needed to get as far away from Winston as possible.

Looking around for his clothes, he could hear Win get up, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t turn around and look at Win right now, he needed to leave.

“Monty…”

“I swear, one more word from you and I will fucking end you, you get that? Just… stay away from me!”

“Monty, you need to talk to someone… Talk to me! Just… don’t go, not now, not like this, we can talk about it, whatever you want, but you need to calm the fuck down.”

What if?

No! No, he had to leave. Win wasn’t safe around Monty, if anyone found out about this… His shoes wouldn’t fit and he realized that they were on the wrong feet. Fuck it, he could just go barefoot, as long as he did it now.

“Montgomery, don’t do this!”

Monty turned around, finding the part of him that everyone knew, the one that everyone saw, the part of himself that he hated right now, and spat in the other boy’s face.

“Get! The fuck! Away from me! Faggot!”

You can’t be near me, Win, it’s not safe. If I hurt you… If something were to happen to Winston, because of him…

Monty needed to forget this ever happened. He needed to block everything out and just pretend he never met the guy. Shouldn’t be too hard, he was fucking Monty de la Cruz, this was a walk in the park.

What if…?

He had a bit of trouble finding his shirt, his vision was sort of blurry, probably from stress, and nothing else, but when he found it, he grabbed it, and ran, not looking back. His mind was playing tricks on him, because it almost sounded like Win was calling his name.

It was in the middle of the night and Monty ran until he fell down. Sweat was running from his eyes (because what the fuck else could it be, Monty wasn’t a fucking pussy!), and he barely got up on his feet before throwing up, feeling like he was suffering from the world’s worst hangover.

Big mistake! Big mistake, big mistake, big fucking mistake!

It was better this way, he told himself, as he took a couple of calming breaths. It was better this way, because it had to be. Because Monty didn’t have any other options.

But what if…?

\--- --- --- --- --- 

Monty’s hatred for his father had been in his heart for so many years that by now, it was like an old friend, keeping a steady hand on his shoulder as he sat at the table, with his dad, the orange prison suit itching in really uncomfortable places. And his dad asking questions about Tyler made his insides hurt. It wasn’t sexual, not with Tyler, that was just fucking with the kid, sex had nothing to do with it.

It wasn’t like it was with Winston. Who he would never see again. Not that he deserved it.

Monty felt like he was just so done with everything.

Especially his dad!

“Are you… some kind of faggot?”

What did he have left to lose?

What if…

What if?!

“What if I was, dad? What if I was?”

**Author's Note:**

> I had this playing over and over in my head until I had no choice but to write it down.
> 
> It had to be done.


End file.
